my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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