I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
