He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
