pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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