Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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