she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
