do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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