so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
