when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
