Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
