i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
