You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
