She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
