If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
