I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
