He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
