his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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