She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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