you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
