she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
