Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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