my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Well I just put wine in my tea
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
