New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
