remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
