I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
