you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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