here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
