So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
