don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
