So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
