The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
