He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
