I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
