i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
