Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
