Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
