I'm jealous of your bromance
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
