I seem to have left my pride at pride
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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