i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
