I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
