if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
