I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
