Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
