If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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