Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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