I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's official drugs can't kill me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
