Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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