tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
