i think my mom watched the whole time
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
