The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
