omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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