I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
