i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
