Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
