she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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