I'm going to jail i love you
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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