I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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