i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
