She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
