I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
