Don't make out with my wife yet
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
