At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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